Rightists
Sinister black van...
The sinister black vans with loudspeakers attached to the roof that drive around the streets, spouting their stridently right-wing views. Never officially supported or rejected by the Establishment, they are also often found at events that draw a lot of people (such as Coming of Age Day) and significant Imperial days (the Emperor’s Birthday).
They’re quite intimidating to foreigners (which is partly the intention), but I have had a grin, a wave, and a “Thank you very much!” when I once waved at one (I was taking the piss at the time).
Japan is renowned for it’s subgroups – when you want to express your individuality in Japan, there’s always a group for you!
Big Vans
For a country with the smallest roads, tightest corners, and least parking space of virtually any country in the world, Japan has a massive love affair with minivans. Considering the birth rate is roughly 2, it’s not like they have to transport a massive pack of J-kids at once, either. Weird!
Ichiro and Matsui
The undisputed kings of baseball here, they play in the US leagues. Every night, the top sports story on any news channel is the performance of the two players. The result of their team is an afterthought.
Every newspapers’ sports roundup is lead by the news of their latest efforts. Other Japanese players in the American competition get an occasional mention; US players never. It’s almost as if there are only 5 players in the US professional league, and they’re all Japanese.
Bob Sapp
One of the most noticeable presences in Japanese advertising is a man by the name of Bob Sapp. Formerly a failed NFL player, he came to Japan to try his hand at K1, the no-holds-barred fighting championship. Rags-to-riches story ensues. Known as The Beast inside the ring, his screen presence, and hammy, jokey demeanour outside make him gold in the eyes of the fickle public.
Time recently profiled him – sure sign that in the pop culture world he is bigger than big.
Famous Regions
Everywhere in Japan is ‘famous’ for something, no matter how small the region, or how trivial the attraction. Part of this is the fascination with AA LINK TO RANKING ranking things. For example, one of my private students came back from a trip to her hometown with a present. Of salt. Her hometown is famous for its salt.
A teacher brought some biscuits that her hometown is famous for. Osaka is famous for takoyaki. Hiroshima for okonomiyaki (and, of course, the Atomic Bomb Dome). It wouldn’t matter if you were the tiniest little piss-ant-ville,
podunk town, it is simply inconceivable that you would not be renowned throughout Japan.
The implication is that if you bought something from an area not famous for it, it automatically wouldn’t be as good. Sure, it would be OK, but it wouldn’t be famous!
Osakana Tengoku
Whenever you go to a supermarket in Japan, they will have a tape player near the fish section. That tape player will always be playing the song Osakana Tengoku. The translated lyrics are:
Fish, fish, fish, eat fish and get smart, eat, eat, eat…
Its catchy and, after the first five visits to the supermarket, when it’s mildly amusing, just damn annoying!
Engrish/Jingrish
Jinglish (n): a sub-language of English, similar in tone to Singlish (Singapore English) and Chinglish (Chinese English). All three sublanguages share a similar trait – English words assembled, so as to make a minimum of sense vis a vis (Queen’s) English. See also: Engrish.
We have seen some classics. Most just make no sense, but occasionally you come across one that just makes you stop and go “What the…?” My personal favourite is a t-shirt adorned with the slogan: “My name is guest list”.
Classified Ads
Tokyo Noticeboard and Metropolis are two free English magazines printed in Japan and servicing the needs of foreigners here. It’s a good read – but the funniest part is always the classifieds. Let me give you some examples:
Mysterious Japanese girl. I am the white man you smiled at last Sunday in front of Tower Records in Shibuya. I was carrying a dead dog and you looked at it and said “Kawaii” (cute). At the time it pissed me off because it was my pet and it had just died, but now I am somewhat intrigued. Email E/J mydogdied@hotmail.com
Who the heck carries a dead dog around Shibuya?!
Seeking a friend, who I met a month ago. We lost each other’s addresses and I have no information on him. I really want to keep in touch with him to know who he is now. Please help me to find his email or address. He is American and he is working in Japan.
There’s nothing like a good description.
Bloke, early 30s, unhealthy, likes footie, books, music, food seeks hot female in Kanagawa for whatever you like.
Does this sound like an Aussie?
Free English lessons for Japanese models in Shinjuku or Harajuku. You choose the coffee shop. An additional 100% off for
JAL flight attendants. Email with photo, canyoublameme4trying@hotmail.com
Japanese Schoolgirl Panties
From The Economist, October 18, 1993 (p76):
Police in Japan are trying to curb an unsavoury trade. In early September, three business men stocked around 90 vending machines in outer Tokyo with used underwear “guaranteed to have been worn by a Japanese schoolgirl.” Each garment sells for about $29.
After searching the rule books, the police have finally charged the three entrepreneurs with violating the Antique Dealings Law, which stipulates that dealers need a license. Used panties as antiques? The police say that some of the underwear was bought from second hand dealers. The trio may also be charged with swindling, if it can be shown that the panties on sale had not really been worn by female students.
Elections
Electioneering
In a country with massive noise pollution, it’s not surprising that politicians should be leading the way. Candidates take to the streets in minivans with loudspeakers blasting “desu. Arigato degozaimashita.” His campaign assistants wave out the window to pedestrians and other traffic. This goes on for at least a month leading up to the elections, and it will drive you insane hearing it every 5 minutes.
Every morning in the election weeks, candidates give speeches outside the local train station; assistants with banners cheerfully hand out pamphlets to commuters, who ignore the proferred sheets with practised disdain.
Occassionally, the assistants are replaced by attractive, young ugiosujo, whose sole responsibility is to stand next to the candidate, and wave their gloved hands to the crowd. This normally happens next to a bus stop, or anywhere which guarantees a captive audience.
Makeup
Japanese teenagers and young adults spend an inordinate amount of time on grooming and personal appearance. It’s not unusual to see women check themselves constantly in their little compact hand mirrors on the train, touching up the make-up where necessary, and primping their hair.
It’s said that Japan is the biggest cosmetics market for men in the world – believe it.
Gundam
If you ever visit Akihabara, the tech district of Tokyo which is a mecca for the young adult Japanese male, you will no doubt come across Gundam. It’s an animated TV series in which the characters command giant metal humanoid robots, and the models can be found in virtually all Japanese toy and pop culture stores. I don’t understand the Japanese fetish with giant robots.
